Me — Family Dynamic

My family, like everyone else’s, is unique. I’m the youngest of six, and I’m very lucky in that, for the most part, we’ve all always gotten along. (Childhood was a different story, but once I was around 10, arguments over silly things like who gets the computer and whatnot stopped happening.) Basically, fights were very rarely ever constructed on a personal level. Especially today, things we argue about are both lighthearted and either opinion based or circumstantial (such as how X was “back then”). I would consider my brothers some of my best friends simply because they’re the people I spend the majority of my free time with, if I’m spending it with anybody. We’re a gaming team, and one day we may actually end up producing games as well as playing them. Who knows.

So generally speaking my family is pretty close. But I think that came with a cost, because we’re all very private people, and we keep to ourselves much more than other people, at least for each other. I don’t mean to imply that getting along and keeping personal stuff private are two mutually exclusive things, or that they are inversely related, but it does seem to be the case with my family in particular, and I do think there is some sort of correlation. We’re just not open with each other.

I think this is pretty much why when I make strong friendships (which happens rarely), I’m very open and very personal within a month. I like to get to the “where do you want to live when you grow up and why”s, the “what sort of traits do you look for in a long term partner”s, and the “what would you want to change about your childhoods” as fast as possible. Part of that is probably because I want to share my own answers to those questions, but the concept of having a conversation like that with my siblings is… actually very weird to me. Plus, I use those deep questions as a means of getting to know the other person, so I wouldn’t really need to know the answer to those questions with my family, because I know them at a more subconscious level.

For perspective, I’ve written things on this blog I have never told my family. It’s not that I want to keep it from them—posting sensitive information on the internet would be an interesting method of keeping a secret, after all—just that having any level of personal conversation with my family would by its very nature be forced and inorganic.

I’ve written before about in high school I fell in love with a girl that never had any feelings towards me, and we were good friends for five years. I’m sure you can imagine how many situations and stories that circumstance would foster. But I don’t have any idea how much my siblings know about it, or even my parents, because the only time I would ever share anything would be on a need-to-know basis in regards to venting and my own personal sanity, which over the course of those five years probably only happened two or three times. And I’m the vocal one.

I wouldn’t say this is a bad thing. For me personally, I think I handle myself relatively well, so I rarely need somebody to talk to. But it does leave this gap in what should really be basic knowledge. It’s as though I’ve been practicing fetching water from a well a mile away when there’s one a hundred feet away. I’ve been doing it the long way for so long that the knowledge of the closer well doesn’t even bother me.

Note: That analogy is awful because it implies that I’m being illogical and inefficient, which is very much not me. However, I will do the efficient thing in this circumstance and not waste time thinking of a better one. So there.

 

Me — Expanding My Breadth of Knowledge

I have a friend that I only see every few months, but when we do hang out we end up chatting for six hour chunks, and as you can imagine the subject of conversation varies wildly. We’ve known each other for years, but we didn’t get close until we found out we were both INTJ’s (or at least that’s how we were typed).

We’ve since started putting less and less stock into what the MBTI personality types really mean, but he still enjoys figuring people out via their “functions”, something I never cared enough to learn. Recently he used these functions to explain the core difference between us. Both of us like gaining and storing information. I obsessively take what I’ve got and put them in neat little boxes so that the office space in my head has files and folders and neat cabinets. He does the same thing, only he cares a lot more about new information than I do. He’s constantly looking up new things and having new ideas, but doesn’t hold on to them for long.

It gave me an idea, and this might end up changing up the blog schedule slightly (specifically Wednesday, probably). I sort of want to spend a few hours a week researching one completely random topic. Like, this week I’m going to learn all the fundamental knowledge about owls. What sort of ecosystems do they live in, what makes them different from other birds, that sort of thing. Maybe write a blog post about interesting things I learned. The next week I research different types of irrigation systems, both primitive and modern. The week after that I look up Voltaire, his philosophies, and what he was like as a person.

I think it could be pretty useful because some of that stuff is bound to end up in my stories sooner or later, and expanding one’s breadth of knowledge is never a bad thing. In fact I can easily see how all three of those topics might inform my epic fantasy writing by allowing me to implement richer ecosystems, more realistic cities, and more developed politics within those cities.

The biggest deterrent that’s keeping me from starting this right now is that I don’t know how to come up with random topics every week. I want a definitive and useful random topic generator. Something that has enough depth to require research, but not enough complexity to require context by researching something else.

I’m also scared to start this because I’m still looking for a job, and I’m already having a hard enough time finding the willpower to write as it is. I’m currently on Spring Break for my classes, and I should be using it to write the next Lisa Stenton story so I’m not up on Thursday and Saturday night writing while half asleep, but here I am not doing that.

So, while this idea is on my radar, it might be more of a fun summer project rather than a more immediate goal. We’ll see what happens.